Monday, October 2, 2006

Good Fortune, and her sister, Guilt

I am sitting at the computer, looking through the sliding glass door to the deck outside, where the shadow of the oak tree shimmers with the breeze. The house is quiet; Reilly is taking her nap, and Leia is next to me on the tile floor, somehow hoping a crumb from my sandwich will fall to her. I am trying to enjoy these moments of quiet and freedom, since I begin a new job next Monday.

Last week I was hired on at a local nonprofit. I am truly thrilled about the job--it's a great fit for me, the people are great, and the pay and benefits are also excellent. Throughout the long and sometimes torturous job hunt, I had up to five different organizations interested me, and ended up with three offers on the table at the same time. I felt fortunate to have three good options to choose from, and also a little proud that I was valued at a potential employee.

It took me two months to find a new job. That seems to be a reasonable amount of time. Since the actual searching, applying, and interviewing only took up about 5% of my time, I had the opportunity to spend the majority of the two months with Reilly. As she approaches fifteen months, I feel fortunate that we have had this time to get to know each other better. She is such a great kid, so smart and sensitive and caring, and so full of energy and life.

Shawn's experience in the last two months has been the opposite of mine. She has been traveling for her job for long stretches of time: gone seven days, home two days, gone five days, home three days, and son on. True, she has had the opportunity to visit Finland and Denmark and Germany and Switzerland, but she has had to walk the streets of Berlin without her daughter, and that makes her sad, and it makes her feel guilty.

Still, her salary has kept us afloat, has helped us pay off our credit card, which was stretched thin in our last few months in The City. Yesterday, her salary helped us buy a new car.* With our good credit, we were able to get a good loan and quick approval. When I looked from the room we were in to the room across the hall, I saw another young couple. They were having trouble financing their car. Their faces were clearly pained as the salesman explained their dwindling options. Once again, I felt fortunate.

This morning, Reilly woke up and I brought her into bed with me for a little snuggle. When she saw Shawn wasn't here, she slid off the bed and walked around the house looking for her. A short time later, she gave up. She didn't seem sad or concerned, but the scene made me feel sad, and a little guilty, that Shawn has been financing my free time; my busy afternoons at the playground, and my quiet moments, such as this.

(*We didn't actually buy a new car. We bought a new used car, a 2003 Toyota Camry LE, white, with 23,000 miles on it. If you're in the market for a used car, try Carmax. We were very impressed with their operation.)

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