This archive entry is from Reilly's second week. When I look back on this entry now, it is so easy to see that Shawn was suffering from post-partum depression. Unfortunately, it would take us at least a month to get her help, and six months before she was well again.
Our second week as parents has been an emotional one. Of the two of us, Shawn has been challenged the most. With her hormones crashing and having to be awake every couple of hours to breastfeed, tearful outbursts can happen at any moment. She’s prone to cry at any little thing, rational or not. For example, she had a good cry about the fact that Reilly will never be two days old again, and that one day (eighteen years from now) our daughter will move away from us.
I have been struggling with the emotion of Reilly’s birth myself. With Shawn, I had months—years, really—for my love for her to develop and grow strong. I had time to get used to the idea of committing to someone with all of my being for all of my life. With Reilly, the love I feel for her is so strong, and so sudden, it is truly frightening. I have had to distance myself from that emotion several times this week to prevent myself from entering the space that Shawn has been forced to dwell in. Shawn does not have the luxury of being able to distance herself, so strong are her hormones, and so intense was her experience, to carry this child for nine months and to give birth to her, a new life, all by herself. It is impossible for me to understand the depth and charge of the emotion that event must have carried for her.
The third member of our family, Reilly, seems as happy as an infant can be. At her “weigh in” at the pediatrician on Monday, we found out that she put on eight ounces last week. She officially grew out of her preemie clothes on Thursday, which Shawn found to be a happy development. We have many outfits to try on our little diva!
Reilly is averaging three to four feeds per night depending on when we start “the night.” Her favorite activity is to be fed in the rocking chair, and then drowse on her mother’s chest. We’re happiest when she falls back to sleep immediately after the feeding, but there is something wonderful about having her awake and alert at 4:00 in the morning, with the world around us quiet. All we can see are her little dark eyes. We wonder what she can see.
Reilly is getting to know our faces, probably because we stare at her at every moment we have, studying every detail of her face and body. She returns the favor by staring right back at us. Her neck is growing stronger, so she is able to direct her gaze at mom or dad, depending on who is smothering her at the moment. As Reilly puts on weight, it seems to me that she is beginning to look more and more like her mother did as a baby. Reilly also appears to be gaining coordination in her arms and hands. Some of her movements seem concentrated, as opposed to the random, jerky arms and feet she was born with. This is most apparent when Shawn is talking to Reilly and the baby reaches for her mouth or hair.
During her awake time, we talk, sing and read to Reilly. Our favorite book is “Mommy’s Best Kisses,” as it gives Shawn and excuse to kiss all over her baby’s little body. Because of all this kissing, we keep Reilly rather clean. She enjoyed her second and third bath this week. Mom is the official baby washer, and dad is the photojournalist. Reilly loves spending time in her crib and looking at her mobile, her stuffed animals, or at herself in the mirror. We’re surprised at how independent she is. She rarely cries just to be held, and isn’t afraid to hang out by herself in her bedroom. When she does cry, it is typically only to say that she is hungry. With those cries, Reilly now has tears, which was an interesting and heartbreaking development. The biggest development of the week, however, was when Reilly’s crusty belly button stump fell off. (We promptly tossed it in the trash. Yuck!)
The cutest moment of the week was on Tuesday morning. Shawn and I woke up before Reilly and propped ourselves up on our elbows so that we could look at her sleeping in the crook of her mom’s arm, swaddled in a pink blanket. While we were looking at her, she stirred in her sleep, said, “Ma-Ma-Ma,” then fell back to sleep. Shawn and I nearly melted at her pseudo-baby babble. All this cuteness has earned Reilly a number of nicknames, including: boo, bubaloo, and baby dinosaur. The last nickname she earned from her propensity toward emitting strange reptilian noises at any hour of the day.
Reilly’s second week with us has flown by, and I am chagrined to know that I have to leave her and return to work on Monday. Many things have come to pass this week, including Reilly’s original due date, which was Sunday. We’re so glad that she came early—we could barely wait to meet her. We can’t wait for everyone else to meet her too.
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